Dedicate Caregivers and Support in the time of Need

How fortunate Mike and I were to have such an amazing support team! These dependable, resourceful, and sincere individuals cared for Mike, the household, and the dynamics of our lives that were ever changing in light of Mike's needs.  Their concern for timeliness, their assistance, and their reliability are so appreciated that no words can fully express our respect and esteem. 

Mike's progress through the 8.5 weeks of daily radiation and weekly chemotherapy in fall 2024 was rough. He maintained a good attitude, but had to give in to slow changes. No driving, no walks alone, and lots of naps.  Initially, life at home was manageable, yet he was not showing improvement.  We would arise and eat together, share walks, and have dinner in a way that was comparable to our long-held patterns. Yet, frequent trips to emergency followed by stays in the hospital accumulated and took a toll.  

I was unsure how to cope, and at the outset felt helpless.  It came to a moment that I has committmetns a to our professional meetings in Denver and could not see how I could leave Mike.  Then Scott Fedick asked if he could visit with Mike and stay while I went to the Society for American Archaeology meetings.  This got me thinking of the daily tasks and how to organize them.  Scott enjoyed his visit with Mike and from the stay we were able to create a daily list for those in the role of support.

Before March, he was able to be home during the day without assistance, but the March emergency-hospital stay left him so weak that he needed to go to a rehabilitation center, Valle Verde, and from there, it was clear that he needed more help at home than I might be able to marshal.  We had met some people at Valle Verde, and they gave us some recommendations. That led us to Maria Valledares.

Maria Valladares, the pillar! 

As we came to need support, we met and enlisted the support of Maria. She was a great collaborator in our journey.

Maria in our living room near Mike's comfy chair

Maria, a CNA,  came with great experience. Practical, direct, and alert to needs, she was the key to the developing plan for Mike. She was able to assess his needs, and we all developed strategies to handle our requirements. 

Together, we coordinated the monthly schedule of appointments and meetings.  Prompt and cheerful, Maria was ready to meet at the doctor's offices, fetch Mike from the Hyperbaric Chamber, physical thereapy, and ensure safe walks around our neighborhood. At the outset, her presence was mostly in general supervision. She was not one to let time wind on without doing something. 

Five days a week, she was working c. eight hours a day. She would prepare Mike's lunch, she would clean the kitchen, and she would keep things in the house in order as she saw things to do.  She ultimately asked me if there was anything she could help with while Mike would nap...

We came up with a few things, and then I thought of the silver. Wow.  I do not have a lot, not like my mother, but there are some items.  She would work on the souvenir spoons, then the other small things: the spoon holder, the small platter, the coasters, all were slowly gaining their shine in Maria's downtime.

They stand beautifully today!

As time went on and I determined that I had travel obligations, we would need others to help. Initially, nighttime was a quiet time, and Mike could handle the nights, and when I was at home, that was covered. We have a medical alert button that could be used in an emergency.  But if my travel kept me away, we needed to consider overnight. 

Antonio Ramirez steps in as needed  

Antonio has been a support aroundthe house, helping me in cleaning and in small jobs that Mike would have done, but now was not able.  Early on, on travels, he covered overnight.  Maria would leave after dinner, and Antoin would come around 11 and stay until Maria came in the morning.  Antonio's ability as a handyman was always on call. 

Capable and able to figure things out,  he fixed the door to the medicine cabinet, addressed the leak in a faucet, helped in moving furniture, and stepped in where it was needed. He was alert to the challenges we faced and was able to figure out problems. Mike was impressed with his capablites and that means a lot!

Betty Valladares, a supportive backup

Betty, Maria's sister, started out to fill in when Maria was not able to come.  When Maria had her shoulder surgery, she took over in helping during the day. 

Like Maria, she made sure Mike was drinking his water, took walks twice daily, and fixed meals. When she saw things that needed to be cleaned, areas that needed attention, she went about making sure things were attended to. Our pattern was emerging, and Mike was steady. Breakfast with me in hte AM. He took naps throughout the day, with a morning and evening walk.  He fetched the mail and sorted it. And we would have diner inteh evening.  It seemed it was going along predictably.

When I was traveling, she did the night shift.  Gentle and thorough, like Maria, she does not want to be idle.   She is a great seamstress, and that turned out to be a major asset.  Betty was a quiet presence, yet, like her sister, did not wish to be idle.  The support she provided for the household was amazing.

Connie Perez comes forward when the going gets tough

It was hard to know how to develop the right team, and it became clear that we would need more support.  Also, when Maria was out with her shoulder, and one time Betty was ill, I realized how precarious our small system was.  I called on one of the women I had met at Valle Verde. Connie was able to come over and see how she could bring more support to the project of caring for Mike.  

I was looking to make a round-the-clock help, so I would not be alone with Mike in an eventual emergency. There had been times when I could not easily attend to Mike's need, yet two could.  Connie was a great asset.

With Maria taking 12 hours in the day and Betty covering the other hours at night, we have the 24 hours covered, but that was putting a lot on the small team.  Connie was able to break the hours up. Maria would come from 8 to 5, Connie would come from 5 to 11, and Betty would come from 11 to 8.  

Connie was a bright light in a changing time.  She would help Mike after dinner and monitor him in bed until I came up from my work.  She also took tiem in the weekends to give the others a break.  

When I printed Mike's book, Santa Barbara's Ancient Past, she began reading it. Connie's first language is Spanish, and to her delight, she found the writing accessible and interesting. This was great news to Mike, who had written this book for the public to give a general appreciation for the deep past of this area.

All our team was cheerful and considerate.  Each had experience supporting people who required help, knew how to fit into the existing setting, and was able to see other aspects where their knowledge and experience could be applied.  To the end, they were understanding and stood with attention tothe unfolding scenes. 

I think of how resourceful these individuals are. They essentially join the household, become part of the family, and contribute to daily functions.  How grateful I am to their thoughtful grace and ability to create tranquility, allaying the trepidation and disquiet that was swirling around.  

Grateful thanks to these wonderful people.